Lust and the Desire for Connection
“I don’t know what to do. I try and try, but it just keeps on happening.” Joe said to Mitch, his head held low, “I just get tired at night, and it helps me to relax and fall asleep. I don’t want to look at that stuff on my phone, but it keeps drawing me back in. No one knows about it, but It also doesn’t help that I feel lonely.”
We are created as relational beings. We are designed biologically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally to connect and create bonds. Ultimately, we desire to be in connection with the Father as it was in the Garden, but because of sin, our wholeness was broken. Our journey on this earth is one filled with brokenness. From death to poverty to lost relationships, we are continually reminded of our desire for wholeness. One of the ways that we experience brokenness is through lust. Lust is a strong, sexual desire mixed with brokenness. Lust most often is apparent in engagement with pornography viewing, compulsive sexual behaviors and expressions, and can often be paired with self-gratifying acts such as masturbation. Our engagement with lust indicates a longing for a connection and is a symptom of a deeper need.
Eliza’s stomach turned as she spoke, “I really crave the release and I feel connected even if for a moment. It seems worth it although I don’t know what I am connecting to.” Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at her friend. “Serving cross-culturally just takes so much out of me and I just feel … incomplete, and filled with shame because I feel so dirty.”
Many people think lust is a problem unique to men, but women struggle with it too. The struggle with lust seems very hopeless at times. Maybe you have felt that you have been caught in a cycle of looking “just one more time” or just giving in because there seems to be no way to break the cycle of lust. Don’t lose heart! There is hope!
Here are a few ways that we can look at our experience and possibly pinpoint what might be attributed to the issue:
1) Family History Sometimes our tendency toward acting out sexually can find its source in our family of origin. Explore and think back to see if your family conversations may have been overly sexualized or sexual conversations (innuendos, terms, etc.) were normal use in communication. There may also have been a history of compulsive behaviors your family members exhibited that you may not have realized were compulsive when you were growing up.
2) What needs are not getting met? Most often lust and compulsive behaviors are the outward expressions of a greater need. One of the best ways to explore is to see which area of your life (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or relational) is not being nurtured or may need to be refreshed. Self-care and burnout prevention are key!
3) Get Connected! If lust or compulsive acting out is a struggle for you, one of the best things to do is get connected to others who love you, who are walking in recovery from the same things, or get connected to a counselor, pastor, psychologist, or psychiatrist that can walk with you through the questions listed above. It helps to have someone to walk with you through the exploration, growth, and healing processes.
Maybe you are very similar to Joe and Eliza and feel that there is no hope in the struggle with lust or compulsive behaviors. If you are a global worker and struggle with Lust or compulsive behavior, Valeo is available and would love to help! We have licensed Counselors experienced in guiding individuals who struggle with lust and would love to have the opportunity to serve you! Why not Start Now!
